This Literal Chasm
Black and white
Things are not
Messy
Things are
What is grace?
What if I don’t repent of a single sin?
Or does your grace cover all?
How do I follow the one I call Savior?
How does one worship in spirit and in truth?
Where are you?
Who are you?
Where are you not?
Even in the depths of Sheol, you are there.
As I wail in my pit
You are there
If I climb out
You are there
If I remain?
If I see your light beckoing
To climb out of my abyss
But instead, cling clumsily to the side
Because it hurts to much to climb out
Will you pull me out?
You will.
But on which side of the Jordan?
Yes, it is written.
Yes the Lord of hosts demands justice
Yes he loves us too much
To let us wallow in our pit
But it’s a long, slow rope that pulls us out
We get banged up and bloodied against the wall as we rise
And our breath may escape us before we reach the top
But we follow as he beckons
Until we breathe our last
Banish my pride, Lord
Mend this broken heart
Broken mind
Broken spirit
Broken home
Broken society
Broken church, oh Lord, we’ve broken your body
Cast us not away for our ignorance, Lord
We try to earnestly seek you
But we’re so easily distracted
So easily distracted
So easily distra
Don’t study theology, kids
But, oh how I love it
How big is your box Lord?
That too is cliché
Are we damned?
I don’t even try not to badmouth coworkers
Though you say it is murder
How many have I killed?
Hundreds
Whose faces stare gauntly at me
From the other side of the chasm?
In my mind?
Lord, save us all.
I beg you.
In your mercy, Lord, save us all.
There is too much here.
The enemy, too powerful.
Bind him.
Save us.
As we remain in our pits
Clinging clumsily to the sides
Because it hurts too fucking much to climb out
Rescue us, before breath escapes
Or Lord,
Revive us after
In your arms of mercy.
On the banks of the Jordan
When all shall have their fill
And you will be our light.
Some may be damned in the kingdom come
Lord save us all in the kingdom not yet.
This I beg.
Jesus, only you are truth.
You are the culmination
Lord your spirit is upon me
In my shortcomings and wrong beliefs
I feel you in the breeze on my face
You love me
1 comment:
I know that pit. I've visited it often - sometimes by choice, other times by circumstance alone. Sometimes I find myself comforted by its pain - a reminder that I am still alive. Sometimes I feel its gravity, like a force beyond my control, pulling me towards its bottomless abyss. Is doubt the antithesis of faith? Maybe just it's Newtonian twin? Maybe not. Maybe it's more like the flip side of the same coin? Maybe you can only experience true faith to the extent that you are willing to doubt it as well? Maybe the emptiness in our own soul is the very thing that keeps us grasping outward for that thing, that person that lies just beyond our reach, yet calls his/her home our very soul? Maybe.
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